Have You Seen This Man?

He stole my fucking shopping kart. I had spent 20 good minutes in Trader Joe's, wading through countless senior-citizen-zombies to get my hands on some delicious TJ's treats, when my shopping kart, robust with goodies, was feloniously burgled.

I then spent the next 20 minutes aggressively scanning and rummaging through every damn shopping kart in the store. No luck. So someone either bought $50 worth of random groceries that they didn't want, or they actually dumped my shit out of the kart and commandeered it as their own.

The next 20 minutes was spent reliving the exact same 20 minutes I had lived through at the beginning of the hour, but this time I was living it much more angrily. I wasn't angry about the fact that I had just wasted 40 minutes doing essentially nothing in the grocery store. I was, however, angry about the future-fact that I was inevitably going to forget something that I had remembered the first time around.

Sure enough. Dijon mustard. Fuck.

So if you see this man, tell him he owes me 40 minutes and some mustard.