Friday, October 31, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


No, it's not the newest rapper on Def Jam records. It's not a late-night DJ on Energy 92.7. It's the rules of working. MC PLESS is an acronym for the six elements that are absolutely essential to any job.

With today being Wednesday, annoyingly referred to as "hump day" in the work place, I thought I'd make an entry especially for you 9-to-5'ers (or 8-to-6, for an unfortunate few of you). It's a tough job market out there, and sadly most of us hate our jobs. But you've gotta set limits for how horrible your job is. So your job should have at least
one of the following six factors, and ideally two or three. If your job satisfies none of the six MC PLESS factors, please stand up in your cube right now, vomit all over your desk, steal some pens, and walk out the door forever.

Money: This one's pretty self-explanatory, and it's at the beginning for a reason. The primary reason why most of us work is to get $krilla. But just because a job pays you something, doesn't mean that the job satisfies the Money requirement. The money a job gives you needs to be balanced with how many of the other six elements the job satisfies. If money is the only thing of value that a job provides you, then that money should be worth more to you than the time you spend at that job.

Cause: Working for a cause that you believe in is great. It's rewarding, fulfulling, and it gives you good karma. Unfortunately, money often prevents us from working for a cause we believe in, because you can't live on a volunteer's salary. But we all support a variety of things. Your cause doesn't have to be fixing the environment or ending drunken-baby-syndrome. I have a friend who loves movies, and thinks Netflix is an excellent service. If he worked for Netflix, he would be supporting a cause that he believes in.

People: The people that you work with can make or break your job. Even if you don't get paid enough, and even if you're not working for a cause, spending 40 hours a week with people you really enjoy being around can make it worth it. Being a ditch-digger could be fun if you get to do it with your friends.

Learning: Often times you need a job simply because it's teaching you something you want to learn. Clerkships, liscence training, employer-paid education assistance, etc. A shitty job that teaches you a skill or gets you certified is still worthwhile.

Environment: This includes location, commute, comfort, amenities, perks, etc. Google has a fantastic work environment - infinite free food and drinks, massages, nap rooms, comfy chairs, etc. My first job out of college had a terrible environment - reverse-osmosis water and bulk Tylenol was the only thing they provided for us. It's important that you enjoy something about the environment where you work.

Stepping Stone: Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and work at a job as a means to an end. If you wanna be a Senior Whatever, you have to be a Junior Whatever first. If you wanna work on Wall St., you have to gain experience at a smaller firm (like J.T. Marlin) first. If a job is nothing but a means to an end, it's not necessarily a bad thing. But you must set a deadline for yourself for when that end has been accomplished.

There you have it. MC PLESS, the rules of working. So the next time you're looking for a new job, or considering quitting your current job, run a little MC PLESS test, and try to maximize each of the six factors. Happy hump day!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Things You Can Buy for $1.2 Trillion

The Fed has been dropping coin lately like an old lady in Vegas. $300 billion for the very un-stimulating stimulus plan, $200 billion to save Fannie and Freddie's ass, and $700 billion for the gargantuan multi-bank bailout. That totals 1.2 trillion dollars. Yup, $1,200,000,000,000.00. That's a lot of bling. Just imagine what you could do with that kind of loot. Let's explore.

If you had a $1.2 trillion stack of thousand dollar bills, it would be 90 miles high.

You could buy the Trump Tower in New York, park a hundred 2009 Rolls Royce's on each it's 58 floors, and fill each Roll's with gold....something I suspect some of these fucking bankers were actually doing.

You could get a massage every day...for the next 33 million years.

You could buy MTV, and replace all the actors on The Hills with sophisticated robot-actors that would out-act the current cast.

You could buy every Taco Bell in the country, and stock it to the gills with Patron tequila (mmmmmm....)

You could give every human on earth $179.10.

You could remake the Lord of the Rings film trilogy 4,000 times....and I would kill myself.

You could buy the Cullinan I, the world's largest diamond....3,000 times.

You could buy every single American a PS3, Grand Theft Auto IV, and a pound of weed....and have an epic online mega-destruction tournament.

Wow, it sure is hard to think of any single thing that costs $1.2 trillion. Oh wait, I know!

You could fund the "wait, why are we doing this again?" war in Iraq for 15 years....we're half way there baby!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Are you low on GUSTO? Just add the following:

Strength and Honor

Guess what time it is?

What is heaven?

I like corndogs

Kimbo is my hero

Just found some serious, monster bass:

What will I be for Halloween!?!

Kitten War

May the cutest kitten win!

New tax laws!

Estate and gift tax: an overview

One of the oldest and most common forms of taxation is the taxation of property held by an individual at the time of their death. Such a tax can take the form, among others, of estate tax (a tax levied on the estate before any transfers). An estate tax is a charge upon the decedent's entire estate, regardless of how it is disbursed. An alternative form of death tax is an inheritance tax (a tax levied on individuals receiving property from the estate). Taxes imposed upon death provide incentive to transfer assets before death.

Gift tax laws are generally designed to prevent complete tax avoidance by this route. The Federal Estate Tax is integrated with the Federal Gift tax so that large estates cannot be shielded from taxation by lifetime giving. Many states also impose an estate tax.

The Federal Estate Tax is set forth beginning in § 2001 of the Internal Revenue Code. (26 U.S.C. 2001). The Federal Gift Tax is set forth beginning in 26 U.S.C. 2501. Generally, the Gift Tax applies to any transfer made without receiving value in return and without regard to intent.

The Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001 provided for ten years of increasing exemptions from the estate tax. In 2005, the law exempts the first $1.5 million of an estate for an individual (or the first $3 million for married couples). The law includes a sunset clause for the estate tax to be restored in 2011. Recently, legislation proposed in Congress making the full repeal of the estate tax permanent; so far, no such legislation has succeeded.

Pirates II

Love Song

Thursday, October 2, 2008

"Let's Postpone ______ So I Can Focus On ______"

What a brilliant idea. John McCain attempted to "postpone" his presidential campaign so he could focus on fixing America's economic woes. John McCain can fix the economy about as well as I can juggle with my feet. But putting that glaring fact aside, you gotta give him credit for coming up with the idea.

Clearly he's not much of a multitasker. While running his campaign, McCain has missed 109 of the last 110 votes in the Senate. Isn't that the one sole purpose of a senator - to vote on bills? I doubt Shaq would continue to get paid if he stopped dunking in order to "focus on his 3-point game." When McCain suspended his campaign, he went to Washington and voted a couple times. Wow! Good job ol' buddy! Way to do your job! All it took was for him to completely stop campaigning. A real multitasker indeed.

My grandpa has the same issue. If he's drinking coffee and I ask him to pass me the salt, he grumbles "Damn it boy, let me do one thing at a time!" When he's done with his coffee, he passes me the which point I'm not even at his house anymore. Fair enough, grandpa. There's no need to do two things at once. Especially when you're the Commander-in-Chief: it's a real one-thing-at-a-time kinda job.

So let's take McCain's one-thing-at-a-time policy and run with it. I recommend that all readers do the following:

Call into work tomorrow and say "I'm going to postpone going to work so I can focus on fixing global warming." Sure!

Next tax season, send a hand-written note to the IRS that reads "I'm going to postpone paying taxes so I can focus on making my fortune." Sure!

When you get pulled over for speeding, just say to the officer "Blow me. I'm gonna postpone getting this speeding ticket so I can focus on inventing an invisible car." Sure!

Next time you get called on in class, simply say "I'm going to postpone answering that question so I can focus on having sex with Alessandra Ambrosio." Sure!

Considering how reasonable and wholly acceptable these responses are, America should really reconsider John McCain's request to postpone his campaign so he can focus on fixing the economy (which remember, he's completely incapable of doing). So the next time John McCain wants to postpone one of his duties in order to focus on another "duty," America should respond with a resounding "Sure!"