Thursday, July 10, 2008

Christie Brinkley’s relationship status changed from "married" to "single"

FACEBOOK! I friggin' love it. Keeps me up-to-the-minute on every single thing that every single person I know is doing. Truly amazing.

Congress passed a wire-tapping bill today, giving phone companies immunity when the US Government wants to tap our phones. A lot of Americans are very, very upset about this...are you fucking kidding me!?! 70 million Americans jump on Facebook every day (4th-most visited site on the web) and voluntarily disclose to the world their relationship status, their friends, their plans, their associations, and even their feelings. And Facebook puts it all into a nice little pretty package for us to review every day. What makes the whole package just that much sweeter? Pictures, millions of hilarious amazing scandalous drunken pictures. If it were up to me, Facebook would replace the US Government.

And don't give me that crap about "you can't see my page unless you're my friend." Bullshit. All I have to do is send you a friend request with a profile picture of big tits or a six-pack (depending on what you're into) and you'll instantly accept, in the hopes that I'm some long-lost friend turned super-hot.

Mucho kudos to Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, the Harvard dork who stole the idea from four other super-nerds, a-la Bill Gates. Apparently being smart enough to invent Internet stuff somehow prevents you from knowing what a patent is.

If I ever hire a hit man to off someone, I'll have him use Facebook to seamlessly pinpoint his target. I can't even count the number of times I've heard "You won't believe who's single now! I saw it on Facebook." And are they ever wrong? Nope, never. Facebook users feel some innate need to fully expose all truths about themselves when on Facebook. It's like an electronic truth-serum.


multicoque said...

you're full of shit. facebook is for losers, creeps, and people from portland. you seem like all of the above.

Jordan said...

This is the worst blog ever. Where are the boobies?