After three long years...

Please comment on your experience with the law school's administration:

The Law administration was consistently frustrating to work with. They often provided delayed, contradicting, and incorrect information. From inaccurate information regarding my financial aid before I began school, all the way through arranging for an externship in my final year, I consistently found the administrative staff to be non-responsive and unhelpful. This lack of functional ability combined with a constant stream of duplicative, condescending, and often sarcastic emails created a frustratingly unprofessional environment amongst the Law administration. In contrast, my experience with the Undergraduate administration during my undergrad career was quite the opposite.

Please comment on the law school classroom facilities:

It's time for a new law building with wide hallways or multiple hallways, windows, and clean communal areas. Last time I was in the "lounge" a mouse ran over my foot. The bottleneck of the single small hallway lined with 1L lockers is ridiculous and unnecessary.

Please comment on the law school library facilities:

It's also time for a new law library with decent chairs, a functional heating/cooling system and roof, larger study rooms, and more windows. And for God's sake, let us eat and drink in the library, even if it's restricted to one floor. We spend all day in there. We're not children, and we don't want to work in a filthy library any more than you do. "Fines for food" or whatever is absurd, and is only appropriate for middle-schoolers.

Please comment on the law school e-mail communication with students:

Comically excessive and ineffective. I received every single e-mail from at least three separate sources, sometimes from as many as six sources ("General School Updates" "Bursar's Office" "Official Announcements" "Law Records" "Susan Erwin" "Graduate Students"). Such duplication is good cause to stop checking e-mail. DO NOT E-MAIL BLOG POSTS. That's the beauty of a blog - you can freely check it as you please, rather than having the information from several blogs jammed into your email every day. TITLE YOUR E-MAILS ACCURATELY AND PROFESSIONALLY. Questions and "tricky" comments are not appropriate e-mail subject lines; we are busy, and don't have time to wade through dozens (literally) of daily emails with cryptic subject lines. For example, the first email regarding this survey was titled "Graduating Students Survey." That's appropriate. The second, third, and fourth emails were titled "Only 50 of you have an opinion????" That's useless. That subject line means nothing to anyone. We are studying as professionals. I have worked in three professional firms, none of which ever used email subject lines like this, or wrote email subjects in ALL CAPS. Email is a professional tool, not Facebook. Use it appropriately, otherwise no one will read it, and no one will respond, no matter how many snide comments, CAPS, or exclamation marks you use.

Regurgitated Afterbirth

So I was just slothing, watching a Discovery Channel show on wildlife in Yellowstone National Park. It was spring time, and the narrator was following a hungry coyote that was attempting to feed its litter of pups. In a failed attempt to eat some newborn antelope, the coyote was forced to "settle" for eating the antelope's afterbirth. Gross, I know. The coyote then returned to its starving litter of pups, and regurgitated the afterbirth for their dining pleasure. As I watched these cute little pups ferociously devour the regurgitated afterbirth, only one thing came to mind: Dick Cheney.

It's the perfect term for every single thing coming out of Dick Cheney's mouth right now. Regurgitated afterbirth. He's lapping up the now-irrelevant issues of an already-passed administration, and spewing them up for the starving media animals to feast on.
Cheney: "No link between Saddam Hussein and 9/11." Well no shit. That really doesn't matter now, does it Cheney? Your administration captured Hussein and forced his own country to hang him on YouTube for the world to see. So yeah, he's dead now. Saying that he wasn't linked to 9/11, but it was still a good idea to invade Iraq, is pretty much nothing more than regurgitated afterbirth.

Cheney: The "Bush" administration's interrogations of al Qaeda suspects were "legal, essential, justified, successful and the right thing to do." Wow, I'm so impressed that our ex-vice president is in the position to determine that breaking constitutional habeas corpus laws is legal, and just simply the right thing to do. So pretty much Dick Cheney is George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Mr. Rogers all rolled into one, and we should all care about his ideas of "legal" and "right." Nonsense. As far as I'm concerned, Dick Cheney's legal and moral compass lands somewhere between Charles Manson and Cobra Commander.

But it doesn't matter what I think, because I get like 13 hits a year (probably because of my Photoshop skills). CNN, FOX and MSNBC, on the other hand, control the airways, and have decided that whatever regurgitated-afterbirth-Cheney has to say is actually important. So they desperately lap up his worthless commentary and strew it across headlines. Why do we care what Cheney has to say again? It was hard enough to get people to listen to our last ex-vice president, and he was talking about the end of the world. If in 1961, Richard Nixon had publicly denounced the Kennedy administration, he would have been ostracized. Or if Walter Mondale had publicly criticized the Reagan administration after five months in office, people would have laughed at him. So why on earth does anyone care, at all, about what Dick Cheney has to say about the current administration??

It was a long, painful birth Dick Cheney. But it's over now, and so are your disturbed concepts of justice. So just wash away like a normal afterbirth should, and please don't regurgitate your useless ideals to the starving media anymore. It's just gross.

The Swine Flew

Considering what has actually happened in the world over the past couple years, is anyone really all that surprised about the swine flu? I mean, if I heard someone say any of these things two years ago, I'd say "yeah right, when pigs fly!"

Afghanistan's President, Pakistan's President, and the US President Have a Worthwhile Conversation

Fiat Buys Chrysler

Brett Favre as a Minnesota Viking

A Bollywood Movie Sweeps the Oscars

Joaquin Phoenix Becomes a Rapper

We Elected a President That Plays Ball

Well guess what buddy, the swine flew.

Headline Potpurri

"Miracle Fruit" Turns Sour Things Sweet

Apparently West Africa has been growing these little red berries that make your mouth trip out on ecstasy. When you pop these little devils in your mouth, you don't taste anything. But once it releases its magic flavor serum into your mouth, all sour or bitter foods will taste extraordinarily sweet. Lemons taste like candy oranges, Brussels sprouts taste like caramel corn, hot sauce tastes like honey. Do you realize the potential here? Essentially this makes gross healthy foods taste like our favorite childhood candy treats. I'm getting on a plane to Africa immediately, and coming back with crates full of the best-selling diet drug of all time.

Tesla Model S: $50,000 EV Sedan Seats Seven, 300-mile Range, 0-60 in 5.5s

This new luxury vehicle is faster than most sports sedans, less expensive than most luxury SUVs, and it runs on fucking electricity. It goes into production in 2011. So what you're telling me is that I can drop fifty grand on a new BMW 5-series, or I can spend the same on this crazy space car, and never buy gas again? I'll take the latter please. Again, there's huge potential here. Instead of spending the rest of our lives fighting other countries for their oil, the US can have all cars that run on electricity generated from these.


Hackers Crack Into Texas Road Sign, Warn of Zombies Ahead

I'm really happy to know that hackers are no longer complete nerds. This is probably one of the best uses of hackery I've ever seen. I need to get my hands on this hacking equipment. Again the potential here is limitless. I would make highway signs read:"Take Top Off Now" or "Watch For Cars" or "I'm In Your Backseat" or "You're Dreaming This."