Friday, August 8, 2008

Based on True Events

This would make a great movie:

Police in Arizona spotted a 32-pound box of marijuana being shipped from Los Angeles to Maryland. Prince George's County police in Maryland picked up the box and set up a sting at the home of the recipient. Turns out the box of pot was being shipped to an innocent and unknowing victim. Also turns out that the recipient is the mayor of a small Maryland town called Berwyn Heights. Cops raid the house, killing their two dogs and scaring the shit out of grandma.

So far this is only a crappy Lifetime original movie. Here's where it becomes a real flick.

The FBI is now going to investigate the Prince George's County police department. The police are going to protect their own, as always, and try to debunk the FBI investigation. The FBI hotshot who is on the case will have a seniority complex, and a massive power struggle between the departments will inevitably ensue.

The film would be packed with intense face-to-face dialogue-showdowns between shouting actors with veins popping. I would recommend Chris Cooper as the recently-promoted FBI agent heading the investigation, and Robert Duvall as the seasoned and old-fashioned police chief who planned to retire after this last big drug bust. They'll stand uncomfortably close to each other and sternly shout witty and intricate dialogue that no one could actually come up with in real time. And it will be interlaced with lines like "The cat's out of the bag!" "Not on my watch!" "Don't test me,
Sergeant." and “This is WAY beyond your pay grade!"

Taylor Nichols would be perfect as the mayor (because he makes a great victim), and Laura Linney could play his wife.

In the real world, the Feds are eventually going to out-muscle the Prince George's County police department, and the whole thing will go to a long and drawn-out trial.

But in the awesome movie, it turns out the FBI agent was really in cahoots with the mayor, who actually knew that the drugs were being delivered to him. They were sick of their low-paying government jobs, and had planned to make millions with the total of 417 pounds of pot they were bringing in from Mexico. But with the CIA headquarters only 20 miles from Berwyn Heights, Langley's newest recruit (played by Matt Damon) cracks the case before this heavy-hitting Washington scandal gets leaked to the public.

And the movie would still open with: "Based on True Events."

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I can't believe you didn't cast Alec Baldwin in your movie. He belongs in everything.