Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Headline Potpourri

"Pirates Grab More Ships, Captured Tanker Docked"

Is anyone else as fascinated and befuddled by these frequent pirate news stories as I am? Maybe it's a result of the painfully cheesy Pirates movies, but I was convinced that pirates were now a complete fiction. But apparently in Somalia, where shit continues to be a disaster, pirates are jacking ships with AK-47's on a regular basis. And these aren't just ships, but insanely massive tankers loaded to the gills with oil. A ship four times the size of an aircraft carrier, carrying a cool $200 million in oil. These modern day pirates must be far more bad-ass that Orlando Bloom.

"Impeach Obama"

OK, this isn't actually a headline, but a t-shirt. Really? Already? He's not the President...that's not even possible. You could've impeached him from his Senator seat, but he already resigned it. Can you impeach me? Can you impeach my cat, please? I'm sure you hate the shirts with the Obama heads on them, but your shirt just doesn't make any sense. You can't impeach someone for winning.

"Obama Chooses Eric Holder to be Attorney General"

Oh no! Oh no it's happening!! Obama picked another kinda-black guy to be the Attorney General, the highest law enforcement officer in the country! That makes two kinda-black guys...what will we do!? Do you know what this means? Somalians are pretty black too...Pirates! Pirates are taking over our government!!!


Jordan said...

you were clearly stoned when you wrote this.

MonoCoque said...

you were clearly stoned when you wrote that.